On My Soapbox, 4

Celebrity + Courtroom = Circus. This has always bothered me and now that I have a forum with this blog, I can vent. Why, why, why, do we tolerate the expense of a trial or court hearing so judges and lawyers can draw out their time in the spotlight? This latest circus surrounding Anna Nicole is just another example of the media frenzy that turns a simple court proceeding into a long, drawn-out affair.

I'll be the first to admit that she left a tangled web that is far from simple. I also admit that I have no legal training and can't speak with authority on the issues. But I do have a lot of common sense and it is telling me that if these circumstances involved an unknown, they would have been settled by now.

This is how I would have handled it: Do the autopsy and collect enough DNA to satisfy all concerned parties, and do the embalming the next day. If foul play is not an issue, bury the body after a decent funeral in the area where the deceased has purchased a plot. Make sure all potential fathers have blood drawn and sent to a lab for processing. When a match is found, unite father and daughter and consider the case closed.

Court dockets are full of cases that need to be heard, long trials or hearings cost the county money, and camera-loving judges and attorneys aren't worth the expense. If this story had involved an unknown it wouldn't have been much of a story. It's fodder for the media and they prolong it as long as possible. And, the current media blitz doesn't say much for our legal system.

Judge Larry is a joke. He's in the spotlight and loving every minute of it. While the cameras are rolling, he can make his little jokes (as if the whole process is a laughing matter), take control of the questions (why are lawyers there anyway?), and make his moment of glory last longer than is necessary. I'm sure he's taping these shows to watch over and over in the privacy of his own home. Lucky Larry, Anna Nicole fell into his lap.

This frenzy reminds me of OJ and the ridiculous length of his trial, only to come back with a verdict of innocent. If I, the unknown, had been accused of the same crime, my trial would be over in a week, I'd be carted off to prison, and the key to my cell would be pitched into a bottomless pit. The public feeds on celebrity, the sensational, and the private secrets of those in the public eye. And the individuals who handle the legal side are caught up in their own moment of glory. Do they really hear the case or are they more concerned about their "hair" day? Oh yeah, Judge Larry doesn't have hair.

Florida, California, Texas, and the Bahamas need to join forces and consider what is best for the baby girl. She's the only one who matters right now. If she indeed stands to inherit a large sum of money, set it up in a trust to be given to her at the age of 21, and provide a monthly expense check to help her father raise her with certain advantages. Then bury her poor mother. What's so complicated about that?