Mammary Dairy?

PETA, whose views are sometimes extreme, really knocked the socks off of me today. They wrote a letter to the owners of Ben & Jerry's Ice cream and suggested that they substitute cow's milk with breast milk. Huh? They reported about a company in Switzerland who is doing that very thing. And, of course, PETA bemoaned the fate of baby calves who had to give up their milk for human consumption, and relayed the health risks associated with dairy products.

Now, I have nothing against breastfeeding. I've always been a strong proponent, having nursed all three of my children. Breast milk is rich in nutrients and provides a wonderful start in a child's life. Nursing is usually convenient and the mother/child bonding can't be matched. I'm totally in favor of breast milk. I just don't know that I want it in my ice cream.

The letter went on to say that cows had to be impregnated too often so their supply of milk would be readily available, citing the stress this places on cows. Again, an animal has been exalted to a supreme plane, far above that of the human race. What about the stress on women's bodies? Would they, too, need to be impregnated every nine months to satisfy our sweet tooth? Do we take milk away from our babies so calves will have enough? Aren't there milk substitutes that would work as well as mother's milk? We're talking ice cream, folks.

I'm having a hard time picturing a herd of lactating women being hooked up to industrial breast pumps. And what if those pumps just so happens to malfunction? Does it become a manual job? Oh, the poor guys who have to work at the Mammary Dairy. I'm sure Robin would apply.

Although I could sing the praises of breastfeeding all day long, I just don't want to pump me up a warm glass of the stuff to have with my oatmeal cookies. It's a mental thing. I'm used to pouring milk on my Cheerios and adding it to the freezer when I make homemade ice cream. It's always been that way and I'm used to it. I'm not used to thinking about breast milk being an important ingredient in the foods I eat. It just doesn't sound right. Ewww. Also, I'd rather have a grilled chicken breast than the obvious alternative.

Fortunately, Ben & Jerry's declined the thoughtful suggestion and will continue using cow's milk. That's a relief. I don't know where they would find that many lactating women who would be willing to part with the juice anyway. During my nursing days there were times when I could have fed four sets of triplets and have milk to spare. Then, there were the times when the well was running dry. For those like Cheryl who need a daily ice cream fix, a dried up woman would be a license to kill.

Thanks, but I'll stick with Elsie.