Bottoms Up!

Robin had the honor this weekend of experiencing that wonderful procedure called a colonoscopy. The test itself is something else, yet the day before is even more fascinating. It's a day of fasting and special liquids. Along with the coffee Robin loves, he was allowed to indulge in a salty mixture that was guaranteed to keep him in the bathroom and his colon clean as a whistle.

Being the loving wife I am, I was very supportive and concerned that he remain as comfortable as possible. First, I invited him to sit with me on his fasting day at a nice restaurant while I devoured a juicy filet mignon. Secondly, I suggested that he ask the doctor if his head was up there. Being the loving husband that he is, he appreciated both shows of concern.

We arrived at the Veteran's Affairs Hospital Saturday morning and waited a couple of hours before they could get to him. They had an assembly line going on and each one had to wait their turn. Also, being the VA, I wasn't invited back to wait with Robin so I was unable to get the pictures I wanted - him lying in a bed in a hospital gown. So, the pictures I was able to get came after we got back home.

Other than a few pockets of diverticula, Robin was given a clean bill of health, along with some very flattering pictures of his colon. I was surprised to see him enter the waiting room so soon. He informed me that had he been put to sleep for the procedure, the wait would have been longer. You weren't put to sleep??? I asked. "No. The recovery would take two hours." I had the day set aside for this and waiting two more hours, and knowing he was comfortable, would have been acceptable.

Robin admitted there was some discomfort as the scope moved through his colon, causing some pressure in his abdomen. You think? I woke up briefly during my own procedure and believe me, I don't like the idea of being alert during a test like that. Okay, Robin might not have been playing with a full deck during this first-time colonoscopy, but he has assured me he will be put to sleep the next time around. Good idea.

I stopped for coffee and a Dunkin' Donut cinnamon roll on the way home to keep something in his stomach until we could get real food. He did quite well and slept part of the afternoon.

The big highlight for me during all this was a phone call from my daughter, Allison. Before I could reach the phone the night before Robin's test, the answering machine clicked on. We heard her say, "Hi Mom, Hi Crapper." Of course I picked up the phone laughing!

P.S. Robin's favorite motto during this? "Be smart, don't fart."